Spent the weekend in the country with the hubby, and what a beautiful weekend. Our first homestudy appointment is scheduled, and we will be off to Kansas in a couple weeks for our next appointment. We have started the second online class, keeping busy, busy, busy, and there is so much more to do. I just keep telling myself one step at a time. Received J's passport this weekend one item to check off the to do list.
The second online course has me thinking about loss.... It says we will all go through some sort of loss in the adoption process, the child, the adoptive parents. Maybe I'm looking through rose colored glasses but I don't feel a sense of loss because I can't have children of my own, or that my child wont have my genes, my eyes, or my hands. (Sure at the age of 18 when I found out that I may never have children I was saddened, and after J and I married we tried for several years to get pregnant, but it did not happen for us. We tried the drugs for awhile which sent me into emotional fits of who knew what. Everyday was a new emotion, but in the end we decided that we had enough trying and decided to live our life and let what was to be be... I just have to say I have the most amazing husband ever!) All I think about is what my child will have.. they may not have my eyes, nose, hands but they will have my expressions crinkle their nose the way I do, or gesture with their hands like me. I wonder will they be contemplative like me.... will they enjoy to read like me.... or will they have J's strength of character... his sense of self.... they may not be skin of my skin... but they will have my heart...
Shaanti
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